Youve Been a Stranger Lately and I Know Thats Not You
Love songs are where we go our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Nothing skillful can come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and peachy families take blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled information technology on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that fourth dimension yous told that girl you just started seeing that you would "take hold of a grenade" for her? Yous did that because of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and motility back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It's but, my mom. Y'all know? And L.A. is and so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex'due south firm? You did that considering of a beloved song. And 50 hours of community service subsequently, you're still not back together.
Love songs are not bad. They make our hearts shell faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give u.s. terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life homo relationships should work.
They're amazing. And then amazing. And also terrible.
Here are vi honey songs that sound romantic but aren't, and ane song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is:
ane. "God Just Knows," past The Beach Boys
You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where information technology's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A necktie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
I may not ever love yous
Only long every bit at that place are stars higher up you
You never need to incertitude it
I'll make you so sure most it
God only knows what I'd exist without you
If y'all're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Merely Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball cyberspace and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your listen, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you lot're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God But Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their style to a mud frolic. Photo past Colin Davey/Getty Images.
Information technology's a song that merely feels like love. Pure love. Young honey. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Hither's why it's really really, really unromantic:
There'south nothing incorrect with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-pinnacle notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the dorsum porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But there is such a thing equally loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should always leave me
Though life would withal go on believe me
The globe could show zip to me
So what good would living do me?
Look, I go it. Breakups suck. In that location'south no getting around that. Simply good God.
At that place'south a huge difference between saying: "Hey infant, yous are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if y'all go." And saying: "Welp, you lot accepted that job in Seattle, then I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and phone call it a life."
But that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God simply knows what I'd be without you
...horror-movie creepy. Because the respond, plain, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That'southward not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to impale yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology'south a grade of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — one that, by definition, might one solar day finish — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you take, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Attempt kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her proper noun again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
One person cannot exist anyone's be-all and end-all. It's likewise stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a affair that'south gotta be done before you can exercise anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it's a breathy rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. But, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, y'all could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Wait at that face. That confront! Photo past Brothers Le/Flickr.
Here'due south why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what yous are
Honey, you're my aureate star
Y'all know y'all can make my wish come true
If y'all let me treasure you
If y'all let me treasure you
Laissez passer those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade brand-out party and you'll probable get an instant price pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date dark is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they volition recall you lot're weird — but probably still make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'one thousand OK with that.
But, here'due south why "Treasure" isn't as romantic every bit it seems:
Everything virtually "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes near gender.
"Children, have I ever told yous what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photograph past Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things offset to go south right from the very starting time:
Requite me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell yous a little something almost yourself
Ah yep. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a homo lecturing a strange adult female on the street nearly something she "doesn't know about herself."
What could it exist? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could information technology exist that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book about early mod German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photo past Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alarm: It's none of those.
Yous're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you lot're a sexy lady
But you walk around here like yous wanna be someone else
Oh. It'due south that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Give-and-take of communication? Regardless of how she'due south walking, the lady knows she'southward sexy. Fifty-fifty if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her day-to-solar day so much that you, a complete stranger, need to shout information technology at her (even over a funky disco snare).
And so what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I think existence Ryan Gosling would be quite prissy. A good way to spend a three-day weekend.
Sure, in that location'd be an adjustment menses... Photo by Eamonn 1000. McCormack/Getty Images.
And so later, of course, the narrator can't assist himself:
Pretty daughter, pretty daughter, pretty girl, you should exist smiling
A girl like you should never expect so blue.
He respects her and so much, he's actually straight-upwards telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you lot know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Aye, in the world of "Treasure," a salubrious relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a foreign adult female and said adult female being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex activity."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the globe'southward creepiest pirate:
Yous are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
You lot are my treasure, yes, y'all, you lot, you, you are
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are
By this point, in his mind, she's a literal matter. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she's non just whatsoever affair.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That'southward ... something, right?
3. "Don't Recall Twice, It'south All Right," by Bob Dylan
For equally long as humans take been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwards with each other. And "Don't Retrieve Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no employ to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you don't know by at present
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, baby
It'll never practice somehow
When your rooster crows at the pause of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll be gone
Y'all're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But don't think twice, it's all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful vocal. It's the song your older sis played on continuous loop for six months after her swain left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her depository financial institution-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a air current chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad ever wants to play when he invited your high school ring over to his flat to jam.
"What timbre are yous looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it'southward virtually the terminate of a human relationship, only it sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why it'due south actually sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships terminate. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no correct way to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties tin can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion nearly what went incorrect.
It'due south non me, Joan. Information technology's you. 100% y'all. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Call up Twice," that discussion basically boils downwards to: "It'south your fault."
Allow'southward review the reasons the dude in "Don't Retrieve Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my center, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You lot're all like, "Baby, I just have so much unspecified dearest to requite," and she's like, "Have out the trash!" And you're like, "Just baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my eye exist enough?" And she'due south like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to exercise is have out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'm gonna become play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to alter you? UGH!
You could take done meliorate, merely I don't mind
Yes. You exercise mind! Y'all mind! You wrote a song about information technology, you passive-aggressive prick.
You only kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yes. Your time is so precious! Think about all the hours yous wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could have been futzing around with that dwelling-brew kit.
Yes, this was worth information technology. Photograph by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you start breaking it downwards, the message of "Don't Think Twice" all of a sudden starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister'due south ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Store in boondocks for a while and now might exist in jail. Like your aunt's wind chinkle shop, which would have closed forever agone had she non received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying kid support.
"You lot kids want a beer? No ane's under xiii, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song's narrator also indicate-blank refers woman he'southward leaving every bit:
A kid, I'1000 told
That'southward right. In improver to beingness a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'due south also perhaps a pedophile.
Fifty-fifty if nosotros are to accept that this is a metaphor and she'southward non actually a child — which there's no indication information technology is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects mode more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking upwardly with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may be the betoken.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hr?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Goggle box Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were however kind of new at the time it was written.
'Crusade I'm leavin' on a jet aeroplane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'thou a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that'south somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable past 9-yr-olds at summer army camp. Not like shooting fish in a barrel to do!
Oh infant, I hate to go
You see — he hates to become! He simply hates information technology! We know this, because he tells united states he hates information technology. And why would he detest to get if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Run into ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here's why it'southward actually non that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can only distract so much from the fact that the song's main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — information technology doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:
There's so many times I've let y'all downwards
And so many times I've played effectually
I tell you at present, they don't mean a thing
"Infant, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while yous were dwelling nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practise! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But balance bodacious — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I just finished having sexual practice with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Yes, when you interruption it downwards, "Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane," is less of a passionate tribute to beloved overcoming distance and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'south "good" despite all testify to the reverse.
And for all he claims to be broken upwardly about having to function from his 1 and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, you lot're leaving on a jet aeroplane, are you? Are you Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad you lot were forced to choke downward as you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photograph by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll call back of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll call up virtually her while strumming and making "my love is fragile as the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes upwardly for it all.
So he demands:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll await for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to exist a grade-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he however has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here'southward the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your hymeneals ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family depository financial institution account, and but been a full general screwup and disappointment.
But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.
I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you wait upwardly "soul" in the dictionary, the volume plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph by Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very commencement line.
Here's why it sound very romantic:
When a human being loves a woman
Sure, you lot can write the lyrics down, only it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious hurting-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Aye! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
It's a heart-shattering lyric.
It's a lyric that demands y'all put your back into information technology.
It'south perfection.
As long as yous don't go along listening.
Here'south why the song is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Human Loves a Adult female," we know that, at to the lowest degree on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said homo loves said woman?
He'd requite up all his comforts
And slumber out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to exist.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no affair how in honey, needs shelter. Otherwise, a homo will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his all-time friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A man tin't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A homo needs friends! In one case a man's whole back up system erodes out from under him, a man will be biting, ungrounded, and alone. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.
I gave y'all everything I take
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Baby, please don't care for me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a adult female." It'due south what happens when a homo loves a decision-making, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"It'southward Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not good for you.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! Nosotros're here for you.
(Side note: Lest information technology go unsaid, in that location is mode more than one manner for a man to dearest a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in split up bedrooms. Perhaps they dress upwardly in large, plush true cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a human, I imagine information technology feels much the aforementioned. Or when a adult female loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there'south no one-size-fits-all dear solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Multifariousness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location's more than than one style to skin a true cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine get downward.
It doesn't thing if information technology's the right metaphor, equally long as information technology's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Signal being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And delight, seek help! Yous tin do this! And if y'all ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a phone call.
vi. "All I Wanna Do is Brand Beloved to You lot," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a listing of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie'south Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my optics out in the arms of a alpine, dark stranger at the stop of a pier.
This song is perfect. You should ever exist listening to it. If you lot're not listening to information technology now, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. It's just that important.
I am singing the phone volume. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photograph by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. Then much pain. Then much hair.
Here'southward why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Globe: picking upward an unnervingly attractive homo for 1 night of heed-blowing sexual practice and and then releasing him back into the wild to os — but never quite as compellingly ever again.
They sing:
Information technology was a rainy night when he came into sight
Continuing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile and so we drove for a while
I don't have to go along considering you know what happens next, and it's crawly.
"I only sit down in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, hither's why this vocal is not romantic at all:
The human relationship in "All I Wanna Practice" seems too practiced to be true. And it is. Considering it's non an equally loving ,or fifty-fifty equally lusty, pairing at all.
It's a...
It's a...
Well. You know what information technology is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the pelting
Fate, tell me it's right, is this dear at first sight?
Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick upward a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-fastened screw, but our narrator but has a feeling almost this guy, and sometimes, you gotta get with your gut.
I can respect that.
We fabricated magic that dark
He did everything right
Bang-up! Seems similar it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
But so, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time not bad romance and more than similar a story men's rights activists tell each other equally they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't endeavor to find me, please don't y'all dare
Just live in my memory, you'll ever be at that place"
I'm not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly hateful wildly dissimilar things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was kickoff invented in the early on-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
Hullo! Photograph by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of class, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Yous might be tempted to think, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant information technology:
Then it happened one twenty-four hour period
We came round the same way
You tin can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own optics
There are two possibilities hither.
One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years ago:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or ii: She totally conned a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.
I said, "Please, delight understand
Ah, certain. Yeah. No worries.
I'grand in love with another man
Cool, then this all makes sense and is in no fashion the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one but two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one little thing that y'all can"
A Homo LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Human being LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The all-time you lot can say near that is that information technology's non technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .
But ... information technology's not beautiful. Information technology'southward non romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
Merely there is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable runway in a body of water of problematic faves.
A song that does everything correct.
A song that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership built to last.
A song that can double as a manual for the ideal homo romantic human relationship.
And that vocal is...
"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here'south why you might be — OK, well-nigh definitely are — skeptical:
fifty Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo past Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
As catchy every bit "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to trip the light fantastic to, and as cathartic as information technology can exist to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity firm at 2 a.thou., at that place'due south no getting around the fact that the vocal begins like this:
I'll take you to the processed shop
I'll let y'all lick the lollipop
I'll post that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll accept you lot to the candy shop
I'll let y'all lick the lollipop
Way to take ane for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At showtime glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody's idea of a classic love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually frontward. The beat is kinda basic. The claw is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't become played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Similar watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It'due south not a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your shell. Information technology'south non a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at abode with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology's certainly not a song you'd include on the video photograph montage you made for your grandparents' silver ceremony.
It's just not.
But it should be.
So hither it is. Here'southward why "Processed Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You wanna back that thing up or should I push up on it? Photo past ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's only been xx seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang information technology up with "Candy Shop."
Only then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female person voice joining the track, cut through the din similar a clarion call.
She sings:
I'll accept you to the processed shop (yeah)
Boy, 1 taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll take y'all spendin' all you lot got (come on)
Keep going 'til you lot hitting the spot, whoa
It's common! It's mutual! They're performing oral sexual activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Become, cunnilingus doves, get! Photo past liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the globe'due south greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he'southward done some pretty unforgivable things.
But the narrator of "Processed Store"? He gets information technology:
You could take it your way, how do y'all want information technology?
Rather than merely imposing his desires on the person he'southward with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'k going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'one thousand going to treat you like a chest full of golden doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," ("I'thou going to trick yous into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Store" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the world of popular music, is skilful for about 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Dorsum of the rental? The embankment? The park?
It's any you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I own't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Processed Store" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But hither's the primal thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She'southward clearly into it. And we know this considering she says and so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky lodge floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Eatables.
Girl what we do ...
And where we practise ...
The things we do ...
Are merely betwixt me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It volition be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely exist a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll exist a nympho
Sexual compatibility is primal to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may have a high sexual activity drive, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a admirer! These crazy kids just might go the distance after all.
And at the cease of the 24-hour interval, what is a human relationship simply ii nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.
It'due south like it'south a race who could get undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an as great time.
I affect the right spot at the right time
Of course, it wouldn't be a popular/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at to the lowest degree as practiced at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Considering he'due south not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a skillful partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's muddy. It'due south not your grandmother's love song.
But when yous strip abroad the swagger, the back shell, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Heart Eastern Music 1993," past the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the twenty-four hours, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all nigh?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
Enviar um comentário for "Youve Been a Stranger Lately and I Know Thats Not You"